Expression of Sentiments

After Mumbai 26/11

I am familiar with what it is like to lose good friends with no forwarning, even though a politician had once quipped " these guys(Fauji's) are paid to give their lives"...... I don't know how to convey this but the vast majority of our countrymen/women are oblivious/unaware of these ghastly incidents...which is what worries me.... Our people are extremely self contained ( for want of a better word)... we live in our own pocket Burroughs....I will give you an example: Do you know how frequently these incidents happen in the north east of India or J & K ? J & K still gets coverage but the North East? very frequently......
An army guy* spends a full night in a culvert with his troops under heavy suppressive gunfire just a few inches above their heads.... does any one care, forget about caring that would happen if some one knows. Do people even know?
In the US a big deal is made about combat related trauma.... While we are right from the age of TWO reminded 'you are a boy, be strong'..... these* guys wake up in the middle of the night sweating reliving their fears day every day......The second thing which worries me is the speed with which we will forget this incident..... only to pay homage every year but forgetting the meat of the matter....this is how we are. I feel regret and anger not necessarily in the same order, at the way we go about our day to day life...at how cheap life is in our country....at how insensitive we are towards others (everything happening if not to themselves is entertaining)... A person hurt on the road will be ignored(whatever be the reason, it is criminal).... we enjoy breaking rules just for the heck of it. We get a kick out of it.
No one has problems with a guy who is speeding to get his pregnant wife to the hospital. It is the idiots who do it to get a thrill who are the real problem....every small rule we break we are hurting our natural spirit of togetherness.....I wish we could use this terrible incident to regroup and increase our resolve...but the cynical side of me cant see it happening..... Does any one care or even spend a moment to think about the brave faujis who fought in the Kargil conflict ? A conflict which has now been relegated to be a mere footnote in our annals of history.....Does any one know where they are and how they are now ? Specially the ones who carry physical scars of the conflict even now (I wont even dare to mention the mention scars)....no one knows and honestly no one cares.I have I guess more anger as I have become more cynical with age , our attitude towards everything except our own self is appalling

Umesh Umrani

I had a friend, while under training called Umrani... His unique feature was his almost omnipresent smile... it wasnt a half smile or partial smirk.... it was a happy full of joy 32 teeth smile ...... he always had the same joyful smiling disposition, whether he had just returned from a strenuous training session or was heading out for P.T. or was fighting to control the television remote....

He was a fantastic artist... I remember him coming to my room to see a pencil sketch of Marilyn Monroe done by my sweetheart.... He was sketching the same but in colour....

While training, we were almost 40 odd guys together, through thick and thin.. We came really diverse backgrounds and religions but were united by purpose and were a really happy band... One evening we came to know that there had been an accident and Umrani was involved.... The remaining 39 odd guys from couldnt have been more focussed in our prayers and united in our fears for the well being of our buddy....

By early morning our darkest fears had been confirmed... He was no more... The sketch he was doing wouldnt be completed by him.... it was for most of us the first brush with death, each of us dealing with the loss, alone in our cabins, in our own confused fashion, each one of us totally alone shattered, scared and traumatised, wondering if our life would ever be the same again... I know most of us went to the temple quietly in one and twos to say a fervent prayer for our friend.... we were however soon to realise that, however frequently one might encounter death, it still never seizes to shake the very foundation ones beliefs... All one learns is, to cover ones shock, camouflage one disbelief of how frail our existance really is.... Umrani was a real good guy.... May he RIP......

P.S. That sketch he had left partially completed was eventually finished by Upendra and gifted by us in memory of our buddy....