Expression of Sentiments

After Mumbai 26/11

I am familiar with what it is like to lose good friends with no forwarning, even though a politician had once quipped " these guys(Fauji's) are paid to give their lives"...... I don't know how to convey this but the vast majority of our countrymen/women are oblivious/unaware of these ghastly incidents...which is what worries me.... Our people are extremely self contained ( for want of a better word)... we live in our own pocket Burroughs....I will give you an example: Do you know how frequently these incidents happen in the north east of India or J & K ? J & K still gets coverage but the North East? very frequently......
An army guy* spends a full night in a culvert with his troops under heavy suppressive gunfire just a few inches above their heads.... does any one care, forget about caring that would happen if some one knows. Do people even know?
In the US a big deal is made about combat related trauma.... While we are right from the age of TWO reminded 'you are a boy, be strong'..... these* guys wake up in the middle of the night sweating reliving their fears day every day......The second thing which worries me is the speed with which we will forget this incident..... only to pay homage every year but forgetting the meat of the matter....this is how we are. I feel regret and anger not necessarily in the same order, at the way we go about our day to day life...at how cheap life is in our country....at how insensitive we are towards others (everything happening if not to themselves is entertaining)... A person hurt on the road will be ignored(whatever be the reason, it is criminal).... we enjoy breaking rules just for the heck of it. We get a kick out of it.
No one has problems with a guy who is speeding to get his pregnant wife to the hospital. It is the idiots who do it to get a thrill who are the real problem....every small rule we break we are hurting our natural spirit of togetherness.....I wish we could use this terrible incident to regroup and increase our resolve...but the cynical side of me cant see it happening..... Does any one care or even spend a moment to think about the brave faujis who fought in the Kargil conflict ? A conflict which has now been relegated to be a mere footnote in our annals of history.....Does any one know where they are and how they are now ? Specially the ones who carry physical scars of the conflict even now (I wont even dare to mention the mention scars)....no one knows and honestly no one cares.I have I guess more anger as I have become more cynical with age , our attitude towards everything except our own self is appalling

Umesh Umrani

I had a friend, while under training called Umrani... His unique feature was his almost omnipresent smile... it wasnt a half smile or partial smirk.... it was a happy full of joy 32 teeth smile ...... he always had the same joyful smiling disposition, whether he had just returned from a strenuous training session or was heading out for P.T. or was fighting to control the television remote....

He was a fantastic artist... I remember him coming to my room to see a pencil sketch of Marilyn Monroe done by my sweetheart.... He was sketching the same but in colour....

While training, we were almost 40 odd guys together, through thick and thin.. We came really diverse backgrounds and religions but were united by purpose and were a really happy band... One evening we came to know that there had been an accident and Umrani was involved.... The remaining 39 odd guys from couldnt have been more focussed in our prayers and united in our fears for the well being of our buddy....

By early morning our darkest fears had been confirmed... He was no more... The sketch he was doing wouldnt be completed by him.... it was for most of us the first brush with death, each of us dealing with the loss, alone in our cabins, in our own confused fashion, each one of us totally alone shattered, scared and traumatised, wondering if our life would ever be the same again... I know most of us went to the temple quietly in one and twos to say a fervent prayer for our friend.... we were however soon to realise that, however frequently one might encounter death, it still never seizes to shake the very foundation ones beliefs... All one learns is, to cover ones shock, camouflage one disbelief of how frail our existance really is.... Umrani was a real good guy.... May he RIP......

P.S. That sketch he had left partially completed was eventually finished by Upendra and gifted by us in memory of our buddy....

Friends forever

Have you ever felt regret that the clock couldn't be turned back? Regret that the past actions cant be undone?

I have several times & for the silliest reason. One incident in particular was more traumatic than the rest. I had a childhood friend. We grew up together. We were associated in several ways, we were neighbours, we played sport together, my mother taught him etc. Inspite of the fact that my younger brother was his buddy, I always thought of him as a a really good friend. As luck would have it we worked for the same firm. The first house my wife & I stayed in was also the first house he & his wife stayed in(An awful house he had remarked with a smile... :-)). After about a year & half in one place we moved to different places and specialised in our own fields. If you wonder why I am going to such elaborate extent to justify he was a friend of mine.... there is a reason... He was an eternal optimist, with a easy smile which would brighten a room already illuminated by a 100 halogen lamps.... He was a prankster who looked like a prankster with no apologies... it was an honour to be in his company.....

We kept in touch. I know we were aware of each others triumphs & tribulations, we also exchanged notes ever so often when our paths crossed. After almost ten years I was back at the place where it had all started. I was in a teaching position. The course of instruction was difficult and long. I saw the list of people attending the next semester had his name on it..... I was happy to have him on our team.... I met him shortly & it was no chance meeting. I had planned for it to happen.... We exchanged notes as usual and I made a small request to him.... I sat him down and told him "its a gruelling training schedule for this semester and i Know we will have discussions, arguments & fights as two professionals who are good at their job would..... but we MUST under all circumstances part as friends....

To cut a long story short we didn't part as friends..... not too long after that my friend was no more... his life cut short tragically in an accident.... any one he had even a passing association with mourned him.... he was such a guy.....

His absence was felt by me with an added regret that we didn't part as friends...

Loss of speech, hearing, a lost limb or a sincere regret, the hardy human invariably survives even if badly scarred..... So did I.... I could only feel the hollowness inside silently as I read multitudes of messages on his facebook page beautifully crafted as he was one true gem of a guy.... I did so without contributing to it..... I just wished I could just make up......

We all are very good at getting on with our own lives, I am no exception... the only difference was that I got a chance.... I was fast asleep one night and there in front of me was my friend... with that unmistakable loud happy voice saying "Hi Aviator!!!!"

In my sleep i remember sobbing.... All the time thinking I must make up with him..... I must make up with him..... "Show me your latest gadget he said" I took him to my workplace showing him.... He kept remarking "wow yaar"... "this is truly amazing, if this stuff was with every one our work would be so much simpler" etc etc. All the time I was thinking... I have to make up with him.... again & again....

After I had finished telling him whatever I had to.... there was a long pause & grabbed the opportunity ... I asked him "you know what Really wish we could have parted as friends".... he looked down briefly then looked up and nodded... then we hugged as friends, as we always had..... childhood friends......

I woke up still sobbing but ecstatic and happy....... I don't know, whether in your book if some one can make up in his sleep....

I honestly dont care as I am at peace on this issue, I really am :-).....

Being nice w.r.t. being vulnerable.....

I have realised that I am a much nicer person, more reasonable person when I feel vulnerable....

Is this something which is true only for me or is it true across the board............ What disappointed me is the fact that I have realised this fact only now as I approach forty.......  :)

I guess better late then never right ?

A Frogs Perspective On Life. . . .

If a frog sees a brick in front it views it as a wall while you and I know it to be just a brick. We from our view know better then to stop and lose heart but if the perspective is interchanged it might seem like the end of the world or at least a huge almost insurmountable obstacle..

Pilots view of life

As a pilot I know that it is an amazing thing to get into the plane at one place and disembark at another . . . . . all the while getting a free view of the world around (Under Actually)!!!!!


The biggest observation I had was early in my aviation days, while looking down at the beautiful patchwork layout of fields stretching as far as my eyes could see:
"The patch work layout fields concealed a multitudes of problems, ego's, disagreements etc each truely insignificant in the larger picture. The perspective to life needs to be viewed from that level.... I am still trying but havent suceeded yet ;-)"   The operative phrase is that I am still trying and havent given up !!